Discussion:
OT -- Hooker Joke
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MC
2003-12-11 22:22:43 UTC
Permalink
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout-looking
hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually
asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?"

Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."

Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that
kind of money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"

Yes."

Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"

"Yes."

"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"

"Yes."

"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own
them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."

Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."
They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting
on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a
lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose
a blow-job is $1,000?"

The hooker replies, "$1,500."

"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"

The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see
that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I
own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,5 00."

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to
put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He
can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He
decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and
unforgettable experience.

He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"

The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you
something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out
before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"

"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy
Alan Brooks
2003-12-12 01:03:45 UTC
Permalink
Post by MC
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout-looking
hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually
asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?"
Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."
MC, that was really tasteless. It's jokes like that that make me ashamed to
be a member of the male gender.

Jokes like that, and jokes like this:

A guy goes to a whorehouse and the madam asks how much money he has to spend
and he says, "$10.00". So the madam takes his ten bucks, leads him up the
stairs to a room with a wizened old lady in it. The guy takes a look at her
and is about to leave, but the old lady waves him over and says, "C'mon
sonny, you paid your money you may as well have a bit of fun.". So the guy
edges back into the room and sits on the bed beside her. And she pops our
her glass eye, points to the eye-hole and says, "Stick it in here." Now the
guy's really freaked out but the woman's insistent, so after a while he does
it, and... it's the best sex he's ever had. He can't believe how glorious
it is. After they're done the guy says, "That was great! Next time I've
got a spare ten bucks I'm coming back here." And the woman says, "Terrific.
I'll keep an eye out for you."

Alan Brooks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Schmuck with an Underwood

-- Belfagor made me do it.
Steven J. Weller
2003-12-12 06:39:14 UTC
Permalink
So a Teamster walks into a brothel and asks the madame, "How much?"

"A hundred bucks," she says.

"Okay, but how much of that does the girl get, and how much goes to the
house?"

The madame replies, "She gets $20, we get $80."

"Not on your life!" he exclaims, thowing over his shoulder "I won't see
labor treated like that, no matter where!" as he storms out.

A few blocks down he finds another brothel and steps inside. "How much?"

"A hundred bucks."

"How much does the girl get, and how much for the house?"

"The girl gets $80 and the house gets $20 - we're a union shop."

"Great! I'll take that cute little redhead on the end, for an hour."

"Sorry, fella" says the madame, as she points to an aged, sagging,
chain-smoking dowager at the bar, "But Mabel here has seniority."
--
Life Continues, Despite
Evidence to the Contrary

Steven
Dlehmicke
2003-12-12 07:00:39 UTC
Permalink
The Smiths were walking out of Mass one crisp Sunday morning and were delighted
and surprised to see Sister Mary Margeret, a teacher from their children's
long-past elementary school days.

After warm greetings and remembrances all around, Mary Margeret asked after the
children.

"Well", started Mrs. Smith, "Daniel is an attorney, Susan is a doctor, and
Michael flies a C5 for the Air Force."

"And what of little Katherine, my favorite?" asked the beaming nun.

After an awkward pause, Mr. Smith, with an embarassed glance at his crestfallen
wife, said quietly, "Katherine has become a prostitute". Sister Mary Margeret
gasped and fainted dead away.

Revived quickly, and none the worse for wear, Mary Margeret asked again, "What
did you say became of Katherine?"

Fearing the worst, but committed to candor, Mr. Smith repeated, "Katherine is a
prostitute".

"Oh, thank God", cried the old nun, "I thought you said Protestant".
Dena Jo
2003-12-13 00:17:47 UTC
Permalink
Two old folks got married. As they were laying in their wedding suite,
staring at the ceiling, the old man says, "I haven't been completely
honest with you. I think the world of you, but you are only number two
to me. Golf is my first love. It's my hobby, my passion, my first
love."

They both stare at the ceiling for a bit, then the woman says, "While
we're baring our souls, I guess I better tell you that I've been a
hooker all my life."

The man jumps out of bed, looks at her a moment, then says, "Have you
tried widening your stance and adjusting your grip?
--
Dena Jo

Delete "delete.this.for.email" for email.
Eric Garcia
2003-12-13 01:05:03 UTC
Permalink
Just like a woman to come into a perfectly good hooker thread and make it
about sports.

Typical.

emg
Post by Dena Jo
Two old folks got married. As they were laying in their wedding suite,
staring at the ceiling, the old man says, "I haven't been completely
honest with you. I think the world of you, but you are only number two
to me. Golf is my first love. It's my hobby, my passion, my first
love."
They both stare at the ceiling for a bit, then the woman says, "While
we're baring our souls, I guess I better tell you that I've been a
hooker all my life."
The man jumps out of bed, looks at her a moment, then says, "Have you
tried widening your stance and adjusting your grip?
--
Dena Jo
Delete "delete.this.for.email" for email.
stace
2003-12-13 01:12:03 UTC
Permalink
Post by Eric Garcia
Just like a woman to come into a perfectly good hooker thread and make it
about sports.
Typical.
emg
OMG I laughed out loud at that Eric, not just an internet 'lol' either, but
a real laugh.

Ah...fuck, i needed that. Thanks!


stace
Dena Jo
2003-12-13 01:36:18 UTC
Permalink
Post by Eric Garcia
Just like a woman to come into a perfectly good hooker thread and
make it about sports.
Yes, but as golf jokes go, this was a pretty good one, no?

(It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do...)
--
Dena Jo

Delete "delete.this.for.email" for email.
MC
2003-12-13 02:18:07 UTC
Permalink
Post by Dena Jo
Two old folks got married. As they were laying in their wedding suite,
LAYING???????????

DJ, DJ, DJ!!!!

OY!
Buzz Elkins
2003-12-13 02:22:54 UTC
Permalink
MC <***@AMZAPca.inter.net> wrote in news:copeSP-
***@mail.inter.net:

< laying

That makes perfect sense.
MC
2003-12-13 02:26:56 UTC
Permalink
Post by Buzz Elkins
< laying
That makes perfect sense.
Not if it's supposed to be English -- "lay" is transitive -- and I don't
see no object!
Buzz Elkins
2003-12-13 02:36:41 UTC
Permalink
Post by MC
Post by Buzz Elkins
< laying
That makes perfect sense.
Not if it's supposed to be English -- "lay" is transitive -- and I don't
see no object!
Transitive schmangitive, but here's a sexist joke. (and Schwarzenegger in
true German is pronounces Schwarzen...egger) If it offends anyone just
change the sexes of the two people involved. (Everyone knows what "lay"
means) :)


A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where
she selected a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs,
quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt
to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as
she placed the items in front of the cashier.
He said, "You must be single." The woman, a bit
startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition,
looked at her six items on the belt.

Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her
selections she said, "Well, you know what, you're
absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know
that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly ".
Buzz Elkins
2003-12-13 03:02:06 UTC
Permalink
Post by Buzz Elkins
pronounces
pronounced

Suzy (I agree with everything else I said.)
Dena Jo
2003-12-13 04:02:33 UTC
Permalink
Post by MC
LAYING???????????
DJ, DJ, DJ!!!!
OY!
Hey! I just copy and paste these jokes!
--
Dena Jo

Delete "delete.this.for.email" for email.
Mekanik
2003-12-13 23:53:25 UTC
Permalink
A woman is taking her dog for a walk and a man calls out from across the
street, "Hey, nice pig!"

She stops, looks at him and says, "That's not a pig. That's a dog."

He replies, "I was talking to the dog."

Ryan
Post by Steven J. Weller
So a Teamster walks into a brothel and asks the madame, "How much?"
"A hundred bucks," she says.
"Okay, but how much of that does the girl get, and how much goes to the
house?"
The madame replies, "She gets $20, we get $80."
"Not on your life!" he exclaims, thowing over his shoulder "I won't see
labor treated like that, no matter where!" as he storms out.
A few blocks down he finds another brothel and steps inside. "How much?"
"A hundred bucks."
"How much does the girl get, and how much for the house?"
"The girl gets $80 and the house gets $20 - we're a union shop."
"Great! I'll take that cute little redhead on the end, for an hour."
"Sorry, fella" says the madame, as she points to an aged, sagging,
chain-smoking dowager at the bar, "But Mabel here has seniority."
--
Life Continues, Despite
Evidence to the Contrary
Steven
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